Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm bleeding and have questions
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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