Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
