Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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