I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
