There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
