May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
