y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
