i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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