Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
