I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
