it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just want to make out with him forever
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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