dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
