I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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