States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
