Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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