I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
