I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
