I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
