Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
