We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And then my night got REAL pukey
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
