Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
