im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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