I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
