It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
