I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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