I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
