I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
