theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
