There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
