At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
