so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
