butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
