I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
