when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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