i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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