oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
