I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
