Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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