Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
