So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
