glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
