so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize