Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
