3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
