I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
