finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
