Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
