You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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