it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
