At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
not ubering you a puppy
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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