i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
