she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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