Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
