I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
