His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
