May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
