cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
