I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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