I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
