I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
