I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
