I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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