is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
