There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
