her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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