We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
