i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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