The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
