phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
