i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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