and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is Oprah even human
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
