I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
