Yo dont text me then not text me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think a kid would responsible me up
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
